By Marsha Ralls | CEO and Founder of The Phoenix Asheville
October 16, 2026
Published in The Phoenix Asheville Blog
During my recent trip to Kraków, Poland, I experienced something that has stayed with me—not simply because of what was stolen, but because the person I know is responsible.
While preparing for an event, I removed a pair of diamond earrings before having my makeup done. I distinctly remember placing them on a nearby surface. The makeup artist, someone I had genuinely enjoyed getting to know, placed her makeup bag and supplies in that same area.
After our session, I realized my earrings were missing.
Initially, I assumed it was an innocent mistake. I reached out to her, thinking perhaps she had accidentally gathered them with her belongings. She told me she would look through her things, but within just a couple of minutes, she responded that they weren’t there.
Something about that exchange didn’t sit right with me.
My son Jake and I searched the room thoroughly. We retraced every step, checked every possible place, and tried to make sense of what had happened. Unfortunately, the earrings were never found.
But what troubled me most wasn’t their monetary and sentimental value. It was the possibility that someone I had welcomed into my personal space, someone I genuinely liked, had violated that trust.
I’ve spent much of my life encouraging people to lead with love, remain open to others, and recognize the good in humanity. I still believe deeply in those principles. But experiences like this remind me that being compassionate does not mean abandoning our boundaries.
Sometimes, the people we like are the very people we find most difficult to hold accountable.
It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge that someone we connected with may have acted dishonestly. We want to give people the benefit of the doubt. We question our own memories, look for alternative explanations, and sometimes even convince ourselves to overlook behavior because confronting it feels harder.
And yet, kindness without boundaries can become permission for others to disregard them.
After considerable reflection, I made the difficult decision to file a police report. Not out of anger, and certainly not because I understood how they disappeared into thin air, but because something serious occurred and I believe accountability matters.
I can hold compassion for someone while also allowing the appropriate authorities to investigate. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.
This experience has reminded me of something important: We can remain loving without being naïve. We can practice forgiveness without dismissing wrongdoing. And we can see the good in others without ignoring behavior that crosses our boundaries.
Perhaps the greatest lesson for me is that protecting our peace doesn’t always mean avoiding uncomfortable situations. Sometimes it means having the courage to address them.
I won’t allow this experience to make me less trusting, less generous, or less willing to welcome people into my life. But I will allow it to make me more mindful of the boundaries that protect the spaces, relationships, and values I hold dear.
💠Have you ever found yourself struggling to hold someone accountable because you genuinely liked or cared about them? How did you reconcile compassion with the need to protect your boundaries?
About Marsha Ralls
Marsha Ralls is an entrepreneur, transformational speaker, and founder of The Phoenix Asheville, a holistic retreat center in Asheville, North Carolina. She brings together neuroscience, mindfulness, HeartMath, wellness, and nature to create meaningful experiences that support sustainable personal and professional transformation.
With more than three decades of entrepreneurial and leadership experience, Marsha is passionate about helping people reconnect with themselves, build resilience, and create lasting change. She is also the founder of Curator of Change, a nonprofit providing scholarships for transformational programs.
